In the footsteps of Eve

This is basically a list of femme fatales, but not the most conventional kind, since we find the traditional femme fatale - type female characters rather one-dimensional. It is interesting to notice that in older films these female characters were often the only women to hold any kind of power over their own fate, which then led to their inevitable downfall, because c'mon, back then it was absolutely unacceptable that a woman with questionable moral character wouldn't have any consequences from her "evil-doing". We like intricate femme fatales, with more versatile motives than simply being evil, although we have a few of those on our list as well. These women could be classified as "other", not part of any decent women-folk or any kind of respectable group, and they often live in an environment that is antagonistic towards them and demonizes them, which in turn strengthens their resolve to be more callous and manipulative in order to survive in the hostile society that oppresses them. We didn't want to choose women whose only purpose was to be deceitful with nefarious intentions, because frankly, we don't find that interesting, so no Sharon Stone here. These women are also characters we relate to, so we guess that goes to show in the words of Tori Amos: "there are nine inch nails and fascist panties tucked inside every nice girl's heart". 

1. Milady de Winter in The Musketeers. God damn it if this lady was not the best thing about this whole damn show! Granted, she starts off as a pretty conventional femme fatale, since her motivation is revenge, but her character gets way more complex in the second season (where the show should have ended, by the way). She is MUCH improved from the source material, which treated her horribly and made her a rather boring villain in the end. It is kind of ironic that this show, which is male-centric and was written to revive traditional heroism, introduced one of the best and most interesting anti-heroes we've ever seen.

  

2. Bree Daniels in Klüte. She uses sex, which is a very traditional weapon for femme fatales, to get what she wants, but then it's shown that her relationship to sex is much more complicated, because she is deeply affected by her actions. She is a surprisingly relatable character, despite her using of other people. 

3. Catwoman in Batman Returns. Again, she has the traditional "revenge"- motif that femme fatales frequently are given, but her character has other dimensions, like wreaking havoc and doing whatever makes her feel good, which gives her a more compelling persona.

4. Phyllis Dietrichson in Double Indemnity. Right, this character is the one true, traditional femme fatale that we included in this list. Because, Barbara Stanwyck. She's amazing and it is only because of her that we're convinced of Phyllis' villainy. One must also remember that her story is told from a man's narrative, so it's no wonder we don't really get to know her motives or character all that well.

5. Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. A lot of femme fatales do exhibit some forms of sociopathy and this character is no exception. This film is one of the rare cases where the woman gets her way or in a way wins, without repercussions. Whether that is good or bad is up for a debate.

6. Marquise de Merteuil in Dangerous Liaisons. First of all, Glenn Close rules. She plays a quite traditional cruel scheming lady, but what we found intriguing, is the film depicting how patriarchy at that time could drive a woman of independent spirit to do horrible things in order to preserve her self-determination.  

7. Sylvia in Parade's End. God, did this series annoy us! But more on that in a later blog post. The reason why she behaves like a femme fatale is uncommon and it makes her all the more enjoyable as a character. It's a shame that they sort of ruined her character in the end of the show.

8. Gilda in Gilda.  Here she's the one that plays the part of femme fatale, but who isn't actually one. She deserved much better than what she got. Again, this story is told by the male character's voice, so she gets somewhat of an unfair portrayal.

9. Lynn Bracken in L.A. Confidential. She's a minor character, so we don't get to know her as well as some other women on this list, but Kim Basinger's portrayal is sympathetic enough. Also, we love her character design. She's pretty much the only woman in a male-centric world, which is where you normally find these femme fatale characters.

10. Kate in East of Eden. This time we went with the television series, since the mother in the movie isn't a femme fatale. We haven't read the book, but the show definitely does not paint her in a positive light in the least. She's a very cruel person and as close to a villain as Phyllis, maybe even more so. The time period helps to explain some of her behaviour, like with Marquise de Merteuil.

  

11. Rayna Boyanov in Spy. She's the most hilarious entry on this list, and man, does Rose Byrne squeeze absolutely every femme fatale cliché possible from her character. It's a joy to watch.

12. Megara in Hercules. Right, she isn't really a femme fatale in the strictest sense of the phrase, but she does have ulterior motives and more ambiguous morals, especially considering it's Disney. Frankly, we're amazed that such a risque female character ever saw the light of day in a Disney film. Of course, she conforms in the end (because Disney), but we still really like her character.

Friendship, actually

We've written too many lists about romance and couples, so we figured it was time to ditch the stereotype and do something different. It was time for male-female friendships. Because, surprisingly, men and women can be just friends. At least in real life, which you wouldn't necessarily believe if you watched Hollywood. This list was a lot more difficult to compile than even the female friendship list or Bechdel movies. Anyway, our criteria is that they aren't romantically involved. Obviously, there can be some romantic/sexual tension since that can happen in relationships but you never see them end up together, as the point of the movie or series is their friendship. We just want to showcase that while friendships can sometimes take a romantic turn, it does not mean that it leads to anything more. Frankly, we'd appreciate more examples of male-female friendships in media.

1. Andy and Maggie from Extras. We don't really know what other show could have been #1. You have everything here: humour, support and even fighting and forgiveness. It's not difficult to believe that they are best friends. It's amazing that the creators could write it so that the romantic factor is completely irrelevant. 

2. Leslie and Ron from Parks and Recreation. Their dynamic is already hilarious, just the concept of their friendship makes you want to laugh. Their personalities make the perfect team. If you haven't seen the show yet, shame on you!

3. Daisy and Tim from Spaced. Kind of an obvious choice. If you have complaints that this one doesn't fill the criteria, we didn't include the last three minutes of the documentary, so suck it. The point of the show is their friendship, not what might happen in the future.

4. Carol and Tony from Wire in the Blood. The reason this is the only British detective show on the list is because they are not only co-workers but also really good friends. In a lot of other detective shows, they just work together but don't socialise outside work. 

5. Frasier and Roz from Frasier. Now, this is where the issue of sleeping with your friend is actually handled quite well. It doesn't automatically follow that you should be together, it might have just been the circumstances. Plus, their friendship is just awesome.

6. Phoebe and Joey from Friends. To be honest, their friendship was the best thing until the very end, because everything else went a bit sappy. They're a great comedic duo. 

7. Judy and Nick from Zootopia. While the movie wasn't the best animation ever, it was enjoyable. The best thing about the film was their friendship. You don't get to see male-female friendships from Disney too often. 

8. Samantha/Charly and Mitch from Long Kiss Goodnight. Right, this one is on the more absurd side of friendships. At first they're more like acquaintances, then partners, and finally, friends. We really enjoyed their interaction. It's always a delight to see male-female friendships in an action flick.

 

 9. Steve and Joanna from Steve Jobs. This is one of those rare films that has a close friendship between a man and a woman without it turning romantic. It's even better when one knows it's based on actual real-life people. 

10. Norma and Reuben from Norma Rae. While they are more colleagues than close friends, we do think that some kind of a friendship is formed. One of the reasons we have them on this list, is that usually in drama films when a man and a woman spend a lot of time together some romantic entanglements ensue. But not in this one, they stay committed to the issue at hand.

11. Marlin and Dory from Finding Nemo. This is very similar to Zootopia, but they don't devote as much time to develop the friendship since Nemo is also one of the main characters. What interaction does exist though, is hilarious.

12. Kate and Reggie from Sicario. Random pick, we know. First we have to say, that it's rare enough for a film like this to have a female lead. The friendship wasn't a big part of the movie, but it was a nice addition to the other dynamics which were more violent. Once again, you don't really see this sort of dynamic play a part in films like these. 

Disney, retrospectively

Aladdin (1992)

First of all, we've expressed our adoration for Disney renaissance sufficiently before, so you should know we do love this film. To say that it is without serious problems is a massive understatement in our opinion, though. When we were kids, we really liked all the morbid details of fairy tales or folklores (eg. when Cinderella's sisters cut off their heels to fit the glass shoe or when Lemminkäinen decapitates the master of Pohjola in Kalevala), so we were kind of disappointed when they decided to change the line "cutting off ears" in the opening song of Aladdin. Obviously we're not endorsing or encouraging cultural appropriation or the misrepresentation of cultures, but we really don't believe that censorship is the solution to this problem.  We mean, c'mon, replacing one line in one song in a movie that's a little racist in general won't change the fact that the film is misrepresenting Middle Eastern cultures quite constantly. What else could you expect from Disney, though? They don't exactly have the best track record of depicting cultures that aren't American/Western European. Anyway, let's move on to our analysis of the characters and the story.

 

The characters

Aladdin: In a nutshell, a liar. Aladdin & Simba are the main characters that probably annoy us the most from the renaissance period. However, Aladdin gets the honours of making our blood boil the most. It's established that he has some common sense and is generally rather quick-witted and street smart, nevertheless he must be one of the irritatingly dumbest main characters ever! He's only ever shown to be clever when he's getting away from trouble, in most any other situation his intelligence is pretty non-existent. We like him the most when he is being honest and himself, unfortunately, the story doesn't really allow him to be that often. Our biggest beef with this guy, though, has to be his lack of sincerity and his low opinion of his supposed-love interest, Jasmine.
Genie: He's the main reason to watch this movie for us. Granted, all the modern references start to get on your nerves as you get older, but to be honest, in the Finnish dub they don't bother you as much. In addition, the Finnish dub has the ultimate Genie, even Disney admitted it. Everything he does works.
Jasmine: She probably has the best attitude out of anyone in this movie. She sort of reminds us of Marion. The problem is, Aladdin is no Indy. Also, boy, is Jasmine a victim of patriarchy. She's constrained mainly by the story to only have attitude and say shit, but she never really gets to do anything of consequence or make a difference in the film. We hate to see that such an awesome character as Jasmine is made pretty much obsolete. In addition, she'd definitely make hands down the best sultan in the movie.
Minor characters: Jafar is an entertaining villain to the very end and thus preferable to Scar for us. He is a total creep, though. Not a full-time creep like Frollo, but a part-time pervert, at the very least. But the Sultan, oh dear god! He's the most incompetent ruler ever, no wonder his people live in poverty... He's not the best father either, for instance, somehow a guy who is continually dishonest managed to convince him to change the law and not his daughter's evident unhappiness. The rest of the minor characters are almost on par with Genie on the entertainment scale.

 
 

The story

What bothers us the most is that the story seems to have been written at the expense of the characters. This is best manifested with Aladdin's inability to tell the truth to Jasmine  and his assumptions about her feelings. We wouldn't mind so much if the lying was part of his personality, but it's doubtful that Disney meant it that way, so it comes off more as a plot point to further the story and that makes the storytelling seem a little lazy. It feels more like the characters are pulled by strings instead of living a life of their own. Ultimately they're sacrificing the likability of the characters and their development for the sake of the storyline. Although story is very important for us, we always prefer a story that's driven by characters instead of a plot. Otherwise the story is pretty engaging and there is enough action  to keep viewers interested. 

Miscellaneous

The music, as usual, is the best part, with Genie, and damn if he doesn't steal every scene he's in. We did wanna have a magic carpet because of this movie.

Romance at its finest

We came across an article that suggested romance for the unromantics and we were deeply concerned since only one good film had found its way on there. We lament the fact that romance is regarded with such contempt in the public discourse (especially with film critics) and is considered second-class and something that only women can enjoy (which is incredibly offensive and sexist in and of itself). We can't lie though, most modern "romantic" movies have contributed to this stereotype and they are all pretty much shit. Also, they're creepy as hell, unbelievably sappy and emotionally manipulative (in a really bad and obvious way). We think that in order to call anything romantic, you need at least one genuine real life moment of love. In addition, the best romance movies always have more to them than just some love story. As far as we're concerned, most of the modern field's films haven't managed to do any of those things. Without further ado, our favourites and the moment that makes them so.

1. The Apartment. It's one of the best films ever made. It's highly unlikely that any movie could ever replace this masterpiece on any list. Everything in and about this film is realistically romantic, but our moment would have to be the final scene. The most romantic scene in the history of film.

2. Beauty and the Beast. It's no surprise that our favourite Disney wound up here. It's the only film from Disney that manages to convey genuine romance and make it more than a children's animation. Our moment would have to be when the Beast lets Belle go and everything that ensues from that. 

3. Love with the Proper Stranger. This film is as real as it can get. The subject matter might sound a bit bleak and unromantic on paper, but the execution really brings out both the romance and reality in this story. We'd have to pick the scene when Angela falls asleep on Rocky's shoulder in the taxi as it's the only palpably romantic moment in the film.

4. Much Ado About Nothing. Our uncontested favourite Shakespeare, and will probably remain as such. It is the original romantic comedy, and to this day, the one that works the best. Doing both romance and funny successfully is actually pretty damn hard. Here it's done to perfection. Our personal pick is the Branagh one, obviously. And the scene we'd choose, since this has many, is when Beatrice scolds Benedick about the hardship of being a woman and he, can you imagine, believes her and fully supports her. It's a pretty unconventional scene to think to be romantic maybe, but we'd say something like this is even tough to find from modern films. So it's pretty amazing that something this old can be incredibly topical even today.

  

5. Penelope. We've said this before, but stay the hell away from the atrocious American or 2008 edition or whatever the crap it was. We were traumatised because it turned this simple and sweet story into one of those terrible modern romantic chick flicks that we hate. How was that even possible?! Since this is more of a coming-of-age tale the romance is in the background, as it's supposed to be. We chose the ending because they avoided the Cinderella outcome and you feel that they're genuinely happy and that makes you, the viewer, happy too. 

6. The Shop Around the Corner. So there's a pattern emerging; we like stories that are about ordinary people and situations to which we can easily relate. This is a small movie about people who struggle with everyday issues. They're worried about money, job security and where to live. Mundane problems sure, but you'd be surprised what a romantic platform they can build. This isn't a moment per se, but a quote: "If I'd only known how you felt about me in the beginning things would have been different. We wouldn't have been fighting all the time. If we quarrelled, it wouldn't have been over suitcases and handbags but over something like whether your aunt or grandmother should live with us or not." And it comes from the mouth of James Stewart. Duh!

7. Sabrina. Now this is a Cinderella tale, but it's so damn good!! Basically the only one that works. It's utter fluff, yet manages to stay classy. We'd wish that modern films could reach this level though, since this would suffice. Today it's all fluff and no class. This film's genuine moment of romance is without a doubt when Sabrina is singing La Vie en Rose to Linus in the car.

8. A Room with a View. Finally, a period drama! We figured that we wouldn't include series in this list because otherwise this would be infested by BBC. This however, is Merchant&Ivory. Not only is the book brilliant, but this is a very faithful adaptation of it. Anyway, this is our favourite non-miniseries period drama. Our choice for the moment might seem a little unconventional, but it's very effective, smart and subtle. After the tennis game Cecil is reading an extract to Lucy from Miss Lavish's novel where she's describing how Lucy and George kissed while in Florence.

 

9. The Goodbye Girl. We totally forgot how great this movie is! We first saw it as kids and really were not into romance back then. But now, having watched it again, not only is it hilarious but also quite sweet. Props to the original hipster, Richard Dreyfuss. This film is a continuation of the theme all over this list - people struggling to make a living. This aspect of reality has unfortunately almost completely vanished from modern romances. Our moment would definitely be the ending - it is funny and so cute at the same time.

  

10. City Lights. This film is just downright adorable. The Tramp might just be the cutest character in the history of cinema. There were a myriad of moments to choose from but we had to go with the obvious one, the ending. The expression on the Tramp's face when the Flower Girl tells him that she can see is priceless. It was hard not to bawl.

11. Howl's Moving Castle. There had to be at least one Miyazaki, right? You wouldn't necessarily connect romance to this guy, but it's not surprising that he delivers in that aspect as well. Although this isn't our favourite Miyazaki, as a romance it's truly heartwarming just as his films always are. Our moment in this movie would have to be when the black creatures attack the house and Hauru decides not to be a coward anymore and goes after them while Sophie tries to stop him. 

Pick of the month

Dead Man Walking (1995, Tim Robbins)

So, we decided, since it's Easter, to find a film that both religious and secular people might enjoy. This film, we thought,  seems to fit that category pretty well. The main theme of this particular movie has to do with justification for the death penalty. Now, while this theme is heavily present during the film, it does manage to address the issue without getting overly preachy. There are also other undertones in the film touching on ethics, morality, forgiveness, mercy and grace, which we found to be more meaningful for us (since we don't have capital punishment in our country). The main character, Sister Helen Prejean, is the driving force of this story. You, as a viewer, will witness everything from her point of view, which allows you to feel empathy for everyone involved, be it victims' families or the perpetrator. All the performances are delivered beautifully and convincingly, though a special shout-out must be given to Susan Sarandon (who deservedly won an Oscar for her portrayal) and Sean Penn for making his character quite vulnerable and even sympathetic. The moral philosophical questions in this movie are so universal that we think you can enjoy this film, no matter what your background is. 

  

And the oscar should go to...

Obviously, we're no film critics (hence the name of the blog) but we've had numerous disagreements with the oscars. We haven't limited the choices to those that were nominated, or could have been nominated, but to any movie that came out the same year. We haven't seen all oscar winners ever or all movies that have ever come out, so some stuff will definitely be missing. We have ranked the films according to how much we love the movie we prefer and how much we dislike the actual winner. We also recognise that awards should not be the measurement of success and quality, and we don't really give a shit either, but it's fun to speculate. Now, amidst all the controversy with lack of diversity (#OscarsSoWhite), we are painfully aware of how ridiculously white our blog is. So really, it's the pot calling the kettle...white. Unfortunately, because of our ignorance in film (and the film industry's bias) is why we're perpetuating this problem with this list. Sorry. 

1. Princess Mononoke over Titanic (1997). It's no secret that we think that James Cameron turned all sappy with this lifeless piece of overblown melodrama. It has good actors, great visuals and special effects, and that's about it. The man simply cannot make good drama. It's no secret either that we think that Mononoke is Miyazaki's best film. No more words should be necessary.

2. Road to Perdition over Chicago (2002). Although we generally like musicals, we did not like Chicago. Sure the music's good, and we might have enjoyed it had we seen it on stage. For us, it was incredibly forgettable. The best thing in it was Catherine Zeta-Jones. Road to Perdition is just an excellent film, in all respects. This was a tough choice, though, between The Pianist (also an excellent piece of cinema) and Road to Perdition. In the end, we had to go with the one we like the best. And did we mention it has Paul Newman in it? No more incentives required.

3. The Mission over Platoon (1986). We appreciate that Oliver Stone is a Vietnam veteran himself and that he brought his own experience to the film, but this movie did nothing for us, except maybe even annoy us a little. It's a bit too preachy and pretentious for our taste. The Mission on the other hand, does not cross the line to preachy despite its material. Although, it sure would be nice if these stories were told by the people who were most affected by these events. In addition, it's a travesty that Morricone did not win from this one.

4. East of Eden over Marty (1955). First things first, the idea in Marty is great and it was perfected by Wilder five years later. The execution is the problem, it just does not leave an impression. It's a little too clumsy and unpolished. We get that East of Eden is probably nothing like the book, but hell, it's a wonderful film! It's one of our favourite dramas of all time.

5. Edward Scissorhands over Dances with Wolves (1990). To start with: Costner, why did you shave that moustache and grow that mullet? Ugh. The film was visually great, but that's the extent of what we liked in the movie. It's tediously long considering that it has no discernible idea. Hollywood's issues with natives are even more blatantly obvious in this film than in The Mission. Edward Scissorhands is one of the most beautiful movies ever made. Dances with Wolves only has cinematography, Edward Scissorhands has that and everything else. 

6. It's a Wonderful Life over The Best Years of Our Lives (1946). We need to specify that the winner is actually a good film. There's nothing we really dislike about it. In fact, we would encourage you to watch it. BUT. Capra's masterpiece came out the same year. No contest for us.

7. Beauty and the Beast over Silence of the Lambs (1991). This isn't a bad movie either. And we like the fact that it's a very unusual film to have a female protagonist. The performances are solid, the story's interesting and it works fine. We can't help but feel that it's a tad overrated though. Especially Hopkins' 15 minute role winning Best Actor. And then you have the best Disney movie ever made. Period. Disney wins.

8. Tokyo Godfathers over The Return of the King (2003). It should come as no surprise that we do not appreciate Jackson's rendition of Tolkien. It pretty much decimated everything we loved about the books. Plus the emotional manipulation levels go through the roof. We picked Tokyo Godfathers because we think it was the best movie that came out that year. It's a heartwarming story with really sympathetic characters. 

9. Dead Man Walking over Braveheart (1995). Braveheart is so incredibly Hollywood that it's actually kind of funny. It's not as cheesy as Titanic, but it's in the same category for us. Dead Man Walking is just a brilliant film. The material is so good. It's a great conversation about ethics and morality.

10. To Kill a Mockingbird over Lawrence of Arabia (1962). Both of these films are white saviour movies (if you're not familiar with the term, there's always Google). The other one just happens to be better. Lawrence of Arabia simply has less content. The music and cinematography are without blemish though. Absolutely gorgeous. With To Kill a Mockingbird, we love Harper Lee's novel and we love the film adaptation too.