Music that kicks the movie's ass

Occasionally, we've encountered films/series where the music has really stuck with us, much more so than the actual product. Some of the films on this list are not bad movies, in fact, they're quite good. However, for us the music overshadows those films, hence we've included them here. The order on this list depends on how wide the disparity between the score and the source material is.


1. The Vision of Escaflowne by Yoko Kanno. Having rewatched the show it's not the worst, but the music is still far superior and the gap in the quality between the soundtrack and the show is clear. It was a no-brainer for us that this needed to be first, it's practically the reason we created this list. Hollywood needs Yoko Kanno, she could transform film music to its glory years.

 















2. Lotr: The Two Towers by  Howard Shore. We have to take the three movies as separate entities, since the quality is different in the soundtracks as well as the films. Watching these movies again, we definitely hate this the most. The music is pretty much on the same level as in the 3rd movie.





















3. Lotr: Return of the King by Howard Shore. It's not a secret that we don't enjoy Jackson's renditions of Tolkien's work. Nevertheless, Shore has managed to capture the essence of the books. We like the 3rd movie's score the most and hate the film less than the 2nd. One of these days we'll probably end up writing about our distaste for these films.























4. Pocahontas by Alan Menken. Most people would probably agree that this is not Disney's finest moment, but more on that when we look at this retrospectively. Menken doesn't disappoint, though. 

 















5. Prince of Egypt by Hans Zimmer. The only time you'll find Hans Zimmer mentioned in a positive light in one of our lists. This guy only works for us when he's composing around a particular theme. 

 

6. Blade Runner by Vangelis. The music is very different from any other film soundtrack you'd hear. Props to the one-man-band Vangelis and his ingenuity. The soundtrack is as beautiful as the film's visuals. As for the story and other aspects in the film, we're not the biggest fans. It definitely has its merits and has earned its place in film history, but other than that, we're not into it.

7. Don't Look Now by Pino Donaggio. Best soundtrack to a horror film hands down. Probably one of the most awesome scores to any 70's film we've seen. The film is pretty good too and we'd definitely recommend it to people, but the soundtrack is truly phenomenal. It is no wonder to us that this movie holds such high cult status.

8. La La Land by Justin Hurwitz. The songs are so memorable and this has to be one of the best soundtracks of this decade. Too bad that we don't find the movie matching the great music.

8. Madlax by Yuki Kajiura. She is a master of her craft and she has other soundtracks that are better than the show she composed to (like Tsubasa Chronicle or .hack//Sign) but Madlax is probably the best overall, for us anyway. We love both the first and second soundtracks, so would urge you to listen to them together. The series itself isn't bad by no means, but the score is just superior all around.

 

 9. Lawrence of Arabia by Maurice Jarre.  These last two films are good movies by any standards. It just so happens that we prefer the music over the movies. This soundtrack has epicness plastered all over it. It's awesome.

 


















10. North by Northwest by Bernard Herrmann.  Again, nothing really wrong with the film, but the score just impressed us more, and that's saying a lot since it's Hitchcock.

 




















 

How to butcher Austen

A word of warning to all you who really love Joe Wright's 2005 movie, this one might not be for you. We hate it. With every fibre of our being. And that is no exaggeration. It's not a judgement though, so relax. We have wanted to do an entry on Pride & Prejudice since before we had a blog. We realised that we couldn't compare the "new" film to the miniseries as that would be unfair. Also, why compare anything to perfection? (Insert a wistful sigh here) We might do a comparison to the book one day though. Instead we decided to go with 1940 versus 2005, as they are the only legitimate film adaptations around. Before you ask, we'll never touch the Bollywood, LDS or zombie ones. Because these two are already a far cry from Austen. We think that it would be better for you too as our puritanism would certainly take over us even more so than now. Both of these movies make the same essential mistake: they've changed the whole idea of the original story. Mr. Darcy is supposed to be a total asshole the first half, but because of Lizzy's lecture he realises that and admits it to himself and stops being such a massive jerk. It's in essence a transformation story for both parties. In these films they've turned it into a misunderstanding from Lizzy's side. Unfortunately, only in one of these versions does it work. 





















1940 Pros

Lizzy is what ultimately saves this version. She's witty but not impertinent. "If you want to be truly refined, you must be dead. There's nothing more dignified than a mummy." Its humour and minor characters are also quite faithful to Austen's spirit. The minor characters are exaggerated and it works, because the atmosphere is light. Plus Mr. Bingley isn't a complete doofus. He's sociable, polite and rather affable (which is more than we can say about the new one), although he's not on screen much . The bookish dialogue suits the theatrical settings of the film. The makers were aware that they had changed the essence of the book and that's what makes it at least an enjoyable experience. In addition, the relationship between Lizzy and Mr. Darcy, while occasionally stiff, is quite believable as they actually interact with each other in a sensible manner. 

Cons

It's based on a play which is based on the book, so no wonder the story got lost in between. Whereas the theatrical elements fit the movie, they do not work in regards with the original story. Furthermore, there are much better theatrical movies around (eg. The Shop Around the Corner). This version has all the same cosmetic mistakes as the 2005 one (lack of etiquette, costumes etc). There's some pretty deep rooted sexism here as well (especially the whole "you must learn to dream about men" scene). Though looking at the time it was made, that's nothing out of the ordinary. Ah, the time when women could only be homemakers. The dialogue isn't always smooth and it can be a bit wooden at times. It deviates a lot from the source material, which isn't exactly a bad thing though. It's a con only in the sense that we'd love to see an adaptation of Pride & Prejudice on the big screen done right. 

All in all, if you're looking for a butchered version of the book that doesn't make you gag, pick this one. Unless you really can't stand "old" movies. But then there's something very wrong with you.

2005 Pros

This is going to be a short list. Some casting choices were good, eg. Mr. Collins, Mrs. Bennet, Jane and Charlotte. The music sounds good. Some scenes where you see Lizzy separate from others are nice. There are two moments and one scene that wouldn't make Austen turn in her grave (when Mr. Collins gives Lizzy the flower, when Bingley leaves the room and Mr. Darcy says "excuse me" awkwardly and them practising proposing after that moment). In connection with those, the cinematography can be quite stunning. We're paraphrasing our oldest sister: When you're watching the movie and the characters are silent and it looks good, you start thinking "hey, maybe it's not that bad after all". But then they open their mouths and you simply go "no, god!! Please, just make it stop!!" The film does look very pretty, we admit.

Cons

There are too many to count, it would have to be a separate post. Believe it or not, this is the concise version of our distaste. Our main problem is with the script. For us it's not even a good movie. Forget that they completely assassinated the source material and turned Austen's masterpiece into overly dramatic unrecognisable fluff, but they took away the subtle, smart and witty content that is the heart of the story and left us with a fucking poster picture. A good example of ruining Austen's delicate social commentary is when Charlotte tells Lizzy about her marrying Mr. Collins. The Chris Nolan effect strikes again. Because viewers couldn't possibly understand what's going on unless a character verbally conveys every little detail. The cosmetic mistakes wouldn't bother us in the least, if only the film was any good. 
The serious tone of the movie ruins the main characters and is a major hindrance in their interaction. There's literally only a few seconds of credible and good dialogue between the two. Obviously some humour is needed, but the exaggerations don't work because of the tone and also they seemed to have focused on the wrong character. Poor Mr. Bingley, what a ridiculous buffoon they made you. Because now it's totally plausible that you'd be Mr. Darcy's best friend. 
When we went to see this in the cinema, the scene that completely turned us against the film was the first proposal scene. It's an atrocious travesty. It's pretty much the epitome of everything that's wrong with this movie. Imagine every possible romantic cliche and insert them here and you're not too far off. "It's raining". Check. "Our love guided us here/serendipity". Check. "I really hate you, but still, come closer". Check. In addition, Joe Wright insists on using language from the book that doesn't work on screen (eg. "prevailed upon to marry"). The actors have to deliver their lines way too fast and that in turn makes the dialogue even more unnatural. Wright clearly wanted to make a distinction from the '95 series, but instead of giving the old story a new spin, he ended up creating a totally different story, and not even a very good one at that. 
If the proposal scene was where this movie jumped the shark for us, the ending truly cemented the film as unsalvageable. The mystical elements that they're trying to push on the viewer are too sappy and a sacrilege even to the name of Jane Austen. If the movie was better those elements might actually be interesting and romantic in the true sense of the word. Like some fairytale films or Brontë. We have to wonder why they wanted to adapt Austen who is a very unromantic author and make a film that has nothing more than the appearance of romance. 
Suggestion: if you feel like watching the attempted storyline better done, watch BBC's North & South, which they basically ripped off for this movie anyway.

In conclusion, if you want to find a good version of the original storyline in film form, we'd recommend Disney's Beauty & the Beast. 

In the footsteps of Eve

This is basically a list of femme fatales, but not the most conventional kind, since we find the traditional femme fatale - type female characters rather one-dimensional. It is interesting to notice that in older films these female characters were often the only women to hold any kind of power over their own fate, which then led to their inevitable downfall, because c'mon, back then it was absolutely unacceptable that a woman with questionable moral character wouldn't have any consequences from her "evil-doing". We like intricate femme fatales, with more versatile motives than simply being evil, although we have a few of those on our list as well. These women could be classified as "other", not part of any decent women-folk or any kind of respectable group, and they often live in an environment that is antagonistic towards them and demonizes them, which in turn strengthens their resolve to be more callous and manipulative in order to survive in the hostile society that oppresses them. We didn't want to choose women whose only purpose was to be deceitful with nefarious intentions, because frankly, we don't find that interesting, so no Sharon Stone here. These women are also characters we relate to, so we guess that goes to show in the words of Tori Amos: "there are nine inch nails and fascist panties tucked inside every nice girl's heart". 

1. Milady de Winter in The Musketeers. God damn it if this lady was not the best thing about this whole damn show! Granted, she starts off as a pretty conventional femme fatale, since her motivation is revenge, but her character gets way more complex in the second season (where the show should have ended, by the way). She is MUCH improved from the source material, which treated her horribly and made her a rather boring villain in the end. It is kind of ironic that this show, which is male-centric and was written to revive traditional heroism, introduced one of the best and most interesting anti-heroes we've ever seen.

  

2. Bree Daniels in Klüte. She uses sex, which is a very traditional weapon for femme fatales, to get what she wants, but then it's shown that her relationship to sex is much more complicated, because she is deeply affected by her actions. She is a surprisingly relatable character, despite her using of other people. 

3. Catwoman in Batman Returns. Again, she has the traditional "revenge"- motif that femme fatales frequently are given, but her character has other dimensions, like wreaking havoc and doing whatever makes her feel good, which gives her a more compelling persona.

4. Phyllis Dietrichson in Double Indemnity. Right, this character is the one true, traditional femme fatale that we included in this list. Because, Barbara Stanwyck. She's amazing and it is only because of her that we're convinced of Phyllis' villainy. One must also remember that her story is told from a man's narrative, so it's no wonder we don't really get to know her motives or character all that well.

5. Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. A lot of femme fatales do exhibit some forms of sociopathy and this character is no exception. This film is one of the rare cases where the woman gets her way or in a way wins, without repercussions. Whether that is good or bad is up for a debate.

6. Marquise de Merteuil in Dangerous Liaisons. First of all, Glenn Close rules. She plays a quite traditional cruel scheming lady, but what we found intriguing, is the film depicting how patriarchy at that time could drive a woman of independent spirit to do horrible things in order to preserve her self-determination.  

7. Sylvia in Parade's End. God, did this series annoy us! But more on that in a later blog post. The reason why she behaves like a femme fatale is uncommon and it makes her all the more enjoyable as a character. It's a shame that they sort of ruined her character in the end of the show.

8. Gilda in Gilda.  Here she's the one that plays the part of femme fatale, but who isn't actually one. She deserved much better than what she got. Again, this story is told by the male character's voice, so she gets somewhat of an unfair portrayal.

9. Lynn Bracken in L.A. Confidential. She's a minor character, so we don't get to know her as well as some other women on this list, but Kim Basinger's portrayal is sympathetic enough. Also, we love her character design. She's pretty much the only woman in a male-centric world, which is where you normally find these femme fatale characters.

10. Kate in East of Eden. This time we went with the television series, since the mother in the movie isn't a femme fatale. We haven't read the book, but the show definitely does not paint her in a positive light in the least. She's a very cruel person and as close to a villain as Phyllis, maybe even more so. The time period helps to explain some of her behaviour, like with Marquise de Merteuil.

  

11. Rayna Boyanov in Spy. She's the most hilarious entry on this list, and man, does Rose Byrne squeeze absolutely every femme fatale cliché possible from her character. It's a joy to watch.

12. Megara in Hercules. Right, she isn't really a femme fatale in the strictest sense of the phrase, but she does have ulterior motives and more ambiguous morals, especially considering it's Disney. Frankly, we're amazed that such a risque female character ever saw the light of day in a Disney film. Of course, she conforms in the end (because Disney), but we still really like her character.

Friendship, actually

We've written too many lists about romance and couples, so we figured it was time to ditch the stereotype and do something different. It was time for male-female friendships. Because, surprisingly, men and women can be just friends. At least in real life, which you wouldn't necessarily believe if you watched Hollywood. This list was a lot more difficult to compile than even the female friendship list or Bechdel movies. Anyway, our criteria is that they aren't romantically involved. Obviously, there can be some romantic/sexual tension since that can happen in relationships but you never see them end up together, as the point of the movie or series is their friendship. We just want to showcase that while friendships can sometimes take a romantic turn, it does not mean that it leads to anything more. Frankly, we'd appreciate more examples of male-female friendships in media.

1. Andy and Maggie from Extras. We don't really know what other show could have been #1. You have everything here: humour, support and even fighting and forgiveness. It's not difficult to believe that they are best friends. It's amazing that the creators could write it so that the romantic factor is completely irrelevant. 

2. Leslie and Ron from Parks and Recreation. Their dynamic is already hilarious, just the concept of their friendship makes you want to laugh. Their personalities make the perfect team. If you haven't seen the show yet, shame on you!

3. Daisy and Tim from Spaced. Kind of an obvious choice. If you have complaints that this one doesn't fill the criteria, we didn't include the last three minutes of the documentary, so suck it. The point of the show is their friendship, not what might happen in the future.

4. Carol and Tony from Wire in the Blood. The reason this is the only British detective show on the list is because they are not only co-workers but also really good friends. In a lot of other detective shows, they just work together but don't socialise outside work. 

5. Frasier and Roz from Frasier. Now, this is where the issue of sleeping with your friend is actually handled quite well. It doesn't automatically follow that you should be together, it might have just been the circumstances. Plus, their friendship is just awesome.

6. Phoebe and Joey from Friends. To be honest, their friendship was the best thing until the very end, because everything else went a bit sappy. They're a great comedic duo. 

7. Judy and Nick from Zootopia. While the movie wasn't the best animation ever, it was enjoyable. The best thing about the film was their friendship. You don't get to see male-female friendships from Disney too often. 

8. Samantha/Charly and Mitch from Long Kiss Goodnight. Right, this one is on the more absurd side of friendships. At first they're more like acquaintances, then partners, and finally, friends. We really enjoyed their interaction. It's always a delight to see male-female friendships in an action flick.

 

 9. Steve and Joanna from Steve Jobs. This is one of those rare films that has a close friendship between a man and a woman without it turning romantic. It's even better when one knows it's based on actual real-life people. 

10. Norma and Reuben from Norma Rae. While they are more colleagues than close friends, we do think that some kind of a friendship is formed. One of the reasons we have them on this list, is that usually in drama films when a man and a woman spend a lot of time together some romantic entanglements ensue. But not in this one, they stay committed to the issue at hand.

11. Marlin and Dory from Finding Nemo. This is very similar to Zootopia, but they don't devote as much time to develop the friendship since Nemo is also one of the main characters. What interaction does exist though, is hilarious.

12. Kate and Reggie from Sicario. Random pick, we know. First we have to say, that it's rare enough for a film like this to have a female lead. The friendship wasn't a big part of the movie, but it was a nice addition to the other dynamics which were more violent. Once again, you don't really see this sort of dynamic play a part in films like these. 

Disney, retrospectively

Aladdin (1992)

First of all, we've expressed our adoration for Disney renaissance sufficiently before, so you should know we do love this film. To say that it is without serious problems is a massive understatement in our opinion, though. When we were kids, we really liked all the morbid details of fairy tales or folklores (eg. when Cinderella's sisters cut off their heels to fit the glass shoe or when Lemminkäinen decapitates the master of Pohjola in Kalevala), so we were kind of disappointed when they decided to change the line "cutting off ears" in the opening song of Aladdin. Obviously we're not endorsing or encouraging cultural appropriation or the misrepresentation of cultures, but we really don't believe that censorship is the solution to this problem.  We mean, c'mon, replacing one line in one song in a movie that's a little racist in general won't change the fact that the film is misrepresenting Middle Eastern cultures quite constantly. What else could you expect from Disney, though? They don't exactly have the best track record of depicting cultures that aren't American/Western European. Anyway, let's move on to our analysis of the characters and the story.

 

The characters

Aladdin: In a nutshell, a liar. Aladdin & Simba are the main characters that probably annoy us the most from the renaissance period. However, Aladdin gets the honours of making our blood boil the most. It's established that he has some common sense and is generally rather quick-witted and street smart, nevertheless he must be one of the irritatingly dumbest main characters ever! He's only ever shown to be clever when he's getting away from trouble, in most any other situation his intelligence is pretty non-existent. We like him the most when he is being honest and himself, unfortunately, the story doesn't really allow him to be that often. Our biggest beef with this guy, though, has to be his lack of sincerity and his low opinion of his supposed-love interest, Jasmine.
Genie: He's the main reason to watch this movie for us. Granted, all the modern references start to get on your nerves as you get older, but to be honest, in the Finnish dub they don't bother you as much. In addition, the Finnish dub has the ultimate Genie, even Disney admitted it. Everything he does works.
Jasmine: She probably has the best attitude out of anyone in this movie. She sort of reminds us of Marion. The problem is, Aladdin is no Indy. Also, boy, is Jasmine a victim of patriarchy. She's constrained mainly by the story to only have attitude and say shit, but she never really gets to do anything of consequence or make a difference in the film. We hate to see that such an awesome character as Jasmine is made pretty much obsolete. In addition, she'd definitely make hands down the best sultan in the movie.
Minor characters: Jafar is an entertaining villain to the very end and thus preferable to Scar for us. He is a total creep, though. Not a full-time creep like Frollo, but a part-time pervert, at the very least. But the Sultan, oh dear god! He's the most incompetent ruler ever, no wonder his people live in poverty... He's not the best father either, for instance, somehow a guy who is continually dishonest managed to convince him to change the law and not his daughter's evident unhappiness. The rest of the minor characters are almost on par with Genie on the entertainment scale.

 
 

The story

What bothers us the most is that the story seems to have been written at the expense of the characters. This is best manifested with Aladdin's inability to tell the truth to Jasmine  and his assumptions about her feelings. We wouldn't mind so much if the lying was part of his personality, but it's doubtful that Disney meant it that way, so it comes off more as a plot point to further the story and that makes the storytelling seem a little lazy. It feels more like the characters are pulled by strings instead of living a life of their own. Ultimately they're sacrificing the likability of the characters and their development for the sake of the storyline. Although story is very important for us, we always prefer a story that's driven by characters instead of a plot. Otherwise the story is pretty engaging and there is enough action  to keep viewers interested. 

Miscellaneous

The music, as usual, is the best part, with Genie, and damn if he doesn't steal every scene he's in. We did wanna have a magic carpet because of this movie.

Romance at its finest

We came across an article that suggested romance for the unromantics and we were deeply concerned since only one good film had found its way on there. We lament the fact that romance is regarded with such contempt in the public discourse (especially with film critics) and is considered second-class and something that only women can enjoy (which is incredibly offensive and sexist in and of itself). We can't lie though, most modern "romantic" movies have contributed to this stereotype and they are all pretty much shit. Also, they're creepy as hell, unbelievably sappy and emotionally manipulative (in a really bad and obvious way). We think that in order to call anything romantic, you need at least one genuine real life moment of love. In addition, the best romance movies always have more to them than just some love story. As far as we're concerned, most of the modern field's films haven't managed to do any of those things. Without further ado, our favourites and the moment that makes them so.

1. The Apartment. It's one of the best films ever made. It's highly unlikely that any movie could ever replace this masterpiece on any list. Everything in and about this film is realistically romantic, but our moment would have to be the final scene. The most romantic scene in the history of film.

2. Beauty and the Beast. It's no surprise that our favourite Disney wound up here. It's the only film from Disney that manages to convey genuine romance and make it more than a children's animation. Our moment would have to be when the Beast lets Belle go and everything that ensues from that. 

3. Love with the Proper Stranger. This film is as real as it can get. The subject matter might sound a bit bleak and unromantic on paper, but the execution really brings out both the romance and reality in this story. We'd have to pick the scene when Angela falls asleep on Rocky's shoulder in the taxi as it's the only palpably romantic moment in the film.

4. Much Ado About Nothing. Our uncontested favourite Shakespeare, and will probably remain as such. It is the original romantic comedy, and to this day, the one that works the best. Doing both romance and funny successfully is actually pretty damn hard. Here it's done to perfection. Our personal pick is the Branagh one, obviously. And the scene we'd choose, since this has many, is when Beatrice scolds Benedick about the hardship of being a woman and he, can you imagine, believes her and fully supports her. It's a pretty unconventional scene to think to be romantic maybe, but we'd say something like this is even tough to find from modern films. So it's pretty amazing that something this old can be incredibly topical even today.

  

5. Penelope. We've said this before, but stay the hell away from the atrocious American or 2008 edition or whatever the crap it was. We were traumatised because it turned this simple and sweet story into one of those terrible modern romantic chick flicks that we hate. How was that even possible?! Since this is more of a coming-of-age tale the romance is in the background, as it's supposed to be. We chose the ending because they avoided the Cinderella outcome and you feel that they're genuinely happy and that makes you, the viewer, happy too. 

6. The Shop Around the Corner. So there's a pattern emerging; we like stories that are about ordinary people and situations to which we can easily relate. This is a small movie about people who struggle with everyday issues. They're worried about money, job security and where to live. Mundane problems sure, but you'd be surprised what a romantic platform they can build. This isn't a moment per se, but a quote: "If I'd only known how you felt about me in the beginning things would have been different. We wouldn't have been fighting all the time. If we quarrelled, it wouldn't have been over suitcases and handbags but over something like whether your aunt or grandmother should live with us or not." And it comes from the mouth of James Stewart. Duh!

7. Sabrina. Now this is a Cinderella tale, but it's so damn good!! Basically the only one that works. It's utter fluff, yet manages to stay classy. We'd wish that modern films could reach this level though, since this would suffice. Today it's all fluff and no class. This film's genuine moment of romance is without a doubt when Sabrina is singing La Vie en Rose to Linus in the car.

8. A Room with a View. Finally, a period drama! We figured that we wouldn't include series in this list because otherwise this would be infested by BBC. This however, is Merchant&Ivory. Not only is the book brilliant, but this is a very faithful adaptation of it. Anyway, this is our favourite non-miniseries period drama. Our choice for the moment might seem a little unconventional, but it's very effective, smart and subtle. After the tennis game Cecil is reading an extract to Lucy from Miss Lavish's novel where she's describing how Lucy and George kissed while in Florence.

 

9. The Goodbye Girl. We totally forgot how great this movie is! We first saw it as kids and really were not into romance back then. But now, having watched it again, not only is it hilarious but also quite sweet. Props to the original hipster, Richard Dreyfuss. This film is a continuation of the theme all over this list - people struggling to make a living. This aspect of reality has unfortunately almost completely vanished from modern romances. Our moment would definitely be the ending - it is funny and so cute at the same time.

  

10. City Lights. This film is just downright adorable. The Tramp might just be the cutest character in the history of cinema. There were a myriad of moments to choose from but we had to go with the obvious one, the ending. The expression on the Tramp's face when the Flower Girl tells him that she can see is priceless. It was hard not to bawl.

11. Howl's Moving Castle. There had to be at least one Miyazaki, right? You wouldn't necessarily connect romance to this guy, but it's not surprising that he delivers in that aspect as well. Although this isn't our favourite Miyazaki, as a romance it's truly heartwarming just as his films always are. Our moment in this movie would have to be when the black creatures attack the house and Hauru decides not to be a coward anymore and goes after them while Sophie tries to stop him.