Worst Austen adaptations

This is part one of two. Obviously, the second will be about best adaptations. There are plenty of lists floating on the internet that have been devoted to give you the best Austen adaptations. Most of these don't exclude films that were only inspired by Austen's stories. And a lot of these lists, simply put, suck. The main problem seems to be that people assume that Jane Austen is chick lit and thus include on their lists insipid fluff pieces instead of actual adaptations of her work. Since we're puritanical about Austen, we stick to the period. Don't worry though, we will definitely write about productions "inspired" by Austen. This list isn't only about butchering Austen's work, it's that these versions don't even qualify as good or entertaining media for us.  

1. Pride & Prejudice (2005)
Of course we abhor this adaptation the most. We really don't feel the need to explain further, since we've already done a pretty detailed account of this abomination. We also considered including BBC's horrific 80's series of Pride & Prejudice, but while it's bad, it's not infuriating enough to land on this list.

 

2. Sense & Sensibility (1981)
 In the 80's BBC's period drama art was still in its infancy, so if you really wanted to see a quality production of a period drama, you watched Merchant & Ivory. This would just be one of those bad theatrical and emotionless 80's productions by BBC that you could simply forget having seen, if it wasn't for a couple of things. Namely, Edward being a total asshole and Marianne almost dies, because, and we're being literal here, she is LOVESICK! What the fuck people who wrote this crap!?!?!??!?!?! This is beyond offensive - it's downright sacrilegious. 

3. Mansfield Park (2007)
This film suffers from very poor casting choices. Like, horrendous. Nobody seems to know the part they play in the story, probably because the script is also horrendous. That is the film's biggest issue, 'cause the book itself is Austen's most serious work and no version to date has really given it the magnitude it requires.

4. Emma (1996)
Oh poor Mr. Knightley, what have they done to you???? This is a really clumsy adaptation. Davies adapting Austen doesn't often let you down, but when he does, he really does. ITV might have had something to do with it as well.

5. Northanger Abbey (1987)
These writers must have been high. Jane Austen and the supernatural do not mix. You have Brontë or Montgomery for that. And the music - God! Some new age crap trying to imitate Enya - this is not a fairytale, folks. The whole point of the story is that none of that fairytale/gothic romance shit is real. Plus what kind of a weirdo kisses with their eyes open onscreen? That just does not happen.